We Ride Because It’s Who We Are

“We ride because it’s who we are, we can’t just stop because we have kids.” Laura McKee’s poignant words come back to me often. They’re so simple, but cut right to the heart of the conflict experienced by mamas everywhere.

I think of the moment my first pregnancy test came back positive as the moment my identities split in two. I spent my entire first pregnancy trying to figure out how I could be both a horse girl and an involved, loving mom.

Up until this point, it seemed these two archetypes were in direct conflict. The horse girl lives for her horses. She spends every waking minute working for them, either in an office to pay the bills or in the barn to keep stalls clean and water buckets full. I had been this person, spending every ounce of my energy from the moment I woke up in the morning until I fell asleep at night on horses, and this was the way I liked it.

I also had always dreamed of becoming a mom. I was the kid that played with dolls until I was probably a little too old, and spent my teen years babysitting every weekend. At events I was always the one with the flock of kids buzzing around me while the parents enjoyed the party (the kid I look for when I arrive with my toddler now).

But somehow I had never considered how these two facets of myself could coexist in the same person at the same time. When I realized they were about to (ready or not!) I had a bit of identity crisis, wondering if it was even possible to be the kind of mom I wanted to be and the kind of horsewoman I wanted to be.

Turns out (while it’s still challenging every single day to find the right balance), I actually think that being a horsewoman has made me a much better mom. I got to practice a lot of my parenting skills on my horses before ever doing them with my human kids. It has allowed me to stay calm when my daughter was in the emergency room with a 104 fever because I had been through so many traumatic medical events with my four-legged dependents. It makes me more patient when my toddler has a tantrum or says “no” to literally everything because I have learned emotional regulation skills with toddlers 50 times her size.

And I think that being a mom has made me a much more nurturing, curious, thoughtful horsewoman as well. I have learned how to reprioritize my to do list in a cut throat kind of way. I have learned how to slow down and be present for the process. And when a young horse acts out, I know that in the words of my wise baby group teacher, “behavior is communication.”

So don’t stop riding. Or hiking, or painting, or whatever it is that you do that makes you who you are at your core. Not only will your passion make motherhood more enriching and delightful for you, but it will also make you a better mom to your kids.

I know this is easier said than done, and you might have a million reasons, starting with dirty dishes and ending with bedtime snuggles that you just can’t do your thing right now, but you deserve to feel like you. And your kids deserve that too.